fuck. life is so very tiring.
So yeah. being a computer engineer is pretty awesome I'd say, despite that I am currently behind most of my peers in the math area. been listening to quite a bit of electronic music recently, ranging from ladytron to daft punk to combichrist to aphex twin and all of the bands in between. My primary engine for discovering new music has been pandora.com which holds an advantage over standard internet radio as it provides a real time system of artist info as opposed to the usually slow to update streaming internet radio.
In other news the nerdcore scene seems to be dying out, or at least tearing itself apart for that matter; the only nerdcore worth listening to currently is optimus, frontalot, and ytcracker.
Nerdcore is overdone.
But whatever, I'm really shifting towards other music anyways, no big loss on my part. The music I'm currently listening to is more intellectually stimulating anyways. Read neuromancer if you haven't already kids, pretty awesome stuff.
i, being a procrastinator, have decided to write this blog as a way of avoiding the homework that i should be doing. however, this blog is being written for the purpose of explaining my current situation:
as of right now i find myself bound to the notion of myself as split between two options in life: to pursue a life of academia in my music and writing, or to pursue a career in computer programming, which seems ever more far-fetched due to the high levels of math in the field. this stuggle with the concept of the future, though i know it is common for teenagers such as myself, seems to plague my thoughts like a virus, destroying my concentration.
i believe that i chose to write this blog as an affirmation of this hypothesis, in order to purge myself of this futile clutching to a concept of reality that i cannot, at this point in time, seek to interpret with any hope of accuracy
i have yet to find something more enjoyable than chillin out to groove salad. even if i feel like causing those around me massive harm i feel perfectly fine after like ten minutes of groove. even crime and punishment can't put me in a bad mood.
i believe i failed horribly
but i don't really notice it. i think that my almost all-encompassing withdrawal from society may be my own way of expressing my emotions on the matter. i don't deny that i become periodically afflicted with bouts of depression but this can generally be explained by my paranoia that accompanies it. oh well maybe ninja assassins will actually try to kill me in my sleep one of these days and i can justify the irrationality of these notions but in the meantime i think ill keep gaming, loafing, and having no social life.
perhaps my problem is that i really don't like people all too much. it may sound pretentious of me, but i find that the gross population is generally comprised of ignorant, treacherous, and greedy people. in a way this can acount for my small number of real friends. to put it bluntly, i am skilled in the methods of conscientiousness, almost to a fault in that i can put on airs that truly emulate the manners of a true friend, however the small number of real friends that i have are exempt from my niceities. i find that the more sarcastic i am with a person, the more valuable a person i consider them to be.
also, in a totally unrelated subject, i have had this weird pseudo-philosophical dream recently that centers around the notion that the universe is entirely a mental construct of a being of enormous complexity. these beings exist in some, more logical, realm. this explains the many faults and inadequacies in science today. when i awoke i realized that the vast majority of this dream was complete bullshit.
